The Sorry Predictability of Life

Below is an email I sent to my friends in October 2005. Never realized I reached Maslow's pinnacle of self-actualization at such a tender age. Muahaha. In retrospect, I'm a bit fearful at how prescient I sounded.

"Due to the dearth of musicals in KL lately (other than that oh-so-lame production of Oliver!), I obviously cannot continue my highly acclaimed reviews.

BUT - my friends have started to think that I have been busy with work, or (gasp!) even worse - matured! Who - me? I swore to claw my way out of the musty pit of normalcy - where gazillions of idealistic youth have slid into - degenerating into just another -yawn!- face in the 25million-strong Malaysia. Ho well, life will come and go, and so with the society-imposed bell of you-must-have-it-NOW ringing at cued intervals, we will get a car, then a house, then get married, then have children, then watch them grow up, then grow old, then regret, then wither away and die.

Ho hum. That's life, I guess. What happened to the impulsive yearning to get shipped away to Botswana on a mission trip, where basic amenities such as water is lacking? Didn't we once want to change the world, and sculpt it to a semblance of humanity as we see it?

What about the impossible dream of revamping the arts scene of Malaysia? Rightfully or wrongfully, we thought we could make the public appreciate subtler nuances in dialogue, or more novel forms of lighting. Songs that were sung from the heart; not from the mind or from some senseless desire to create a megahit?

We too talked of doing work that actually means something. Not clocking in every friggin' morning, only to face the day - one not so different from the day before, or the day before that.... heck, or even the day one year ago! We are getting our hands dirty trying to follow policies we do not understand, practices we do not agree with, ethics we know no one else practices. For what? A whiff of the cash that comes in at the end of the month? Yup - only to be drained off systematically into our insurance, our car, our house, our parents, our credit card bills, our yadda yadda yadda.

Days melt into weeks that melt into months and before we know it, we'll be at the stage where the cue card goes - 'Time to wither and die'. Ouch.

I tell myself that life must hold more meaning than this. Time to read - philosophy, world history, art, literature! Time to learn - photography, music, dancing, painting! Time to travel - Redang, Vietnam, Egypt, Morocco! I guess as I type down this reminder that life is indeed something to savour, not merely to survive, I think that more importantly, I am
reminding myself.

Remind me, once in a while, and hey - when we're 60, we will look back and say -Now, that was a life well-lived!

P/S This email actually began as a review of Star Wars... But hey, dunno what came over me.... ;P So maybe Star Wars next time eh?"